Dante's Heart
Dante's Heart 2008 Poetry Contest
Honorable Mention
Lori Romero
The Care and Feeding of A Ruler-God
I. Don’t leave anything unattended – doesn’t matter if it’s divine
goat’s milk or the wife’s saffron veil, he’ll gobble it up.
II. Don’t make the mistake that he is omnipotent or omniscient like
other gods – he’s easily tricked and deceived, and you’ll be the one left
to clean up the mess.
III. He answers to “Lord of the Sky,” “God-of-Gods,” “The Protector,”
“Zeus the Thunderer,” and about three-thousand other epithets, but never
to Hera.
IV. During frequent bouts of spring fever, he prefers women disguised as
bulls, bears or even pigeons. It’s strictly a “don’t ask, don’t tell”
situation.
V. If the neighbor’s daughter mentions the odd occurrence of a golden
shower inside her bronze tower, you may need a better containment system.
VI. When he brags he can morph into different shapes, don’t ruffle his
feathers.
VII. Birth from the head, although uncomfortable, is not unusual.
Offspring produced in this manner have a tendency to join the military at
a very early age.
VIII. He’s been known to pack a thunderbolt and has a history of going
ballistic when anyone places fire in a stalk of fennel. If presented with
a confrontation, back away slowly and keep your voice low.
IX. Around the grotto, there’s talk of cannibalism – a rumor probably
started by one of the three Cyclopes. Don’t worry! There are drugs that
reverse this without any side effects.
X. He will never be faithful, so get that thought out of your head now.
Honorable Mention
Lori Romero
The Care and Feeding of A Ruler-God
I. Don’t leave anything unattended – doesn’t matter if it’s divine
goat’s milk or the wife’s saffron veil, he’ll gobble it up.
II. Don’t make the mistake that he is omnipotent or omniscient like
other gods – he’s easily tricked and deceived, and you’ll be the one left
to clean up the mess.
III. He answers to “Lord of the Sky,” “God-of-Gods,” “The Protector,”
“Zeus the Thunderer,” and about three-thousand other epithets, but never
to Hera.
IV. During frequent bouts of spring fever, he prefers women disguised as
bulls, bears or even pigeons. It’s strictly a “don’t ask, don’t tell”
situation.
V. If the neighbor’s daughter mentions the odd occurrence of a golden
shower inside her bronze tower, you may need a better containment system.
VI. When he brags he can morph into different shapes, don’t ruffle his
feathers.
VII. Birth from the head, although uncomfortable, is not unusual.
Offspring produced in this manner have a tendency to join the military at
a very early age.
VIII. He’s been known to pack a thunderbolt and has a history of going
ballistic when anyone places fire in a stalk of fennel. If presented with
a confrontation, back away slowly and keep your voice low.
IX. Around the grotto, there’s talk of cannibalism – a rumor probably
started by one of the three Cyclopes. Don’t worry! There are drugs that
reverse this without any side effects.
X. He will never be faithful, so get that thought out of your head now.
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